What a Difference a Year Makes August 26, 2008
Last year at this time in August was possibly the worst month of my life. I did not know what my life was all about. People I loved and liked had betrayed me in so many ways. I really did not even think life was worth living. I went through all of the motions of a happy, normal person but inside I couldn't feel anything but pain and anguish. I felt weak for feeling that way and not being able to get on with things and just accept that life is pain, you know life sucks and then you die.
However, I have read many books by the Dalai Lama and I believe in what he teaches. He says in many books that it is possible to be happy and people should be happy. I just did not know how to get to that point.
I slowly realized over the course of the year that my happiness is completely within my control. I caught up with family and old friends with whom I had lost contact. Everyone was happy to hear from me. I began to think that maybe my residual feelings that somehow I deserved to be betrayed by the people who hurt me were really wrong and not justified. I do not know where I got the idea that I was somehow to blame for other people's bad decisions, but there it was staring me in the face.
I was lost from myself and way off track. It has taken a year to find the person I know I am and have been all of my life. I had been living in fear of so many things; other people's reactions to me, insisting on being treated a certain way by people, of losing certain people in my life. Now I know that no matter what happens I will continue to be myself and no one can take that happiness away from me. It is all about being okay inside and doesn't have anything to do with anyone else.
I wondered if this would hold as truth when I was confronted with people doing things intended to hurt me by hurting Pierson. That is always my biggest test because I would lay down my life for that child in an instant. If I perceive him being hurt I want to go after the person with both barrels blazing, almost literally.
Recently Pierson decided to leave his select soccer team with Ohio Elite to play for his school's Junior High team. It was a difficult decision for him because he is one of the better players on his select team and he felt leaving would hurt the team and his teammates he considers his friends. He did not decide until very late in the summer that he really wanted to play with his school friends and represent his school on the field. We discussed that it probably wouldn't be as competitive of a team and that could be frustrating but he decided to make the move. I was very proud of how carefully he considered his options and his feelings of loyalty to his former teammates.
He has been enjoying the new team, coach and the whole experience. I have enjoyed getting to know the boys and the parents. So I was stunned when he came home from school and informed me that one of his teammates from a Warren County team he hasn't played with since he was 9 years old, before he left WC for Ohio Elite, was spreading nasty rumors about him. This little twit, who is not even a good player due to an unfortunate chronic hip problem, was claiming that his mother told him that Pierson was cut from Ohio Elite and that everyone from that team hated him. It was a completely ridiculous thing to say and would have really made me angry and upset for Pierson last year. I do not doubt that this boy heard this rumor from his mother because she is a big trouble-maker who has no problem telling lies to stir up problems.
But this year I refuse to let petty people bother and hurt me. So I asked Pierson what he intended to do about the whole thing. He said he wasn't really concerned because no one believed the boy anyway. Apparently the boy has a reputation like his mother's and is known for lying to stir up trouble. Pierson said he confronted the boy and said, "Look, I was not cut from Ohio Elite, I decided to leave on my own. But let's go with your story for a minute and assume I was cut, it doesn't make any difference to you and I am happy on my new team anyway so I wouldn't be upset about it. So why can't you move on and just be friends with me again like we used to be?" The boy then called Pierson an idiot. Pierson responded, "Well, I guess you are just as crazy as your mom" and walked away.
I was not only proud of Pierson, I was happy with myself to know that I did not let this bad woman and her little spawn get under my skin. I did not lose a second of my day getting stressed out about it or wondering if I should confront this person. I just let it go and continued on with my day. I guess parents who are so invested with their child being the greatest soccer player in the world have a lot more to worry about than me. And apparently lying about someone else's child somehow makes them feel better about their own child. The funny thing is that they failed to make either of us upset and only made themselves look bad in the long run. A completely failed strategy, but only because I am where I am today with myself. I actually feel sorry for them since they are so obviously miserable in their own lives and with themselves. I empathize because I was in their spot last year.
A year can make a huge difference in a life, I know it has in mine.
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